L & M

What is the Secret to a Good Marriage?

What makes marriage fall apart? Did you know that 70% of all divorces are instigated by women? I think I know the reason why;

As young girls it is innate within us to dream of  “Some day when my prince will come.” Added to this innate desire to be swept off our feet, passionately loved and live happily ever after are a slough of fairy tales, books and movies to confirm and solidify this desire. Have you ever noticed that  most fairy tales end with the fulfillment of that dream? Well, until Shrek. The producers actually took the risk of venturing beyond the perfect wedding and into the marriage.

I believe that God put this desire within our hearts. We all know dozens of people with broken marriages. Perhaps you are one of them. I think the end of a marriage begins with deep disappointment for the women. After the wedding day, things do not go as we have desired and been conditioned to believe they should. Our knight’s shining armor becomes tainted and dulled and then comes off altogether as we realize that he is just a man, and perhaps not at all the man we had thought him to be. He doesn’t love us with the level of passion we had envisioned, and “Perhaps” we think to ourselves “I have been deluded all along.”

At this point several things can happen; We may respond by lashing out at them in our disappointment, and they respond in kind. If this is the path taken, and continued upon, the relationship comes to a point where nothing either mate can do is acceptable, and the marriage falls apart either officially of behind closed doors.

We may hide our disappointment and continue on as if nothing is wrong, either indefinitely, or until years later, when the marriage eventually falls apart because “I have been unhappy all these years, and I want some happiness before I die.” Often, we enter into another relationship with another flawed human being, thinking it was the person we were married to that was the problem. Unfortunately, we are again disappointed, unless if somehow we learn the secret to a good marriage.

A good marriage is built on a foundation of Jesus Christ. This may sound cliche, and so many failed marriages are between two Christians. However, the secret is this;


The reason for our disappointment is that our expectation is placed on our mates to fulfill the deep needs within our souls. God knows us intimately and loves us purely and perfectly. When we place our expectation on God and learn to receive His love as we grow in love with Him, then our mates are freed to be the humans they are, and we are free to truly love them, as they are freed to truly love us.

Take your expectation off of man and place it in God. David knew the secret to true fulfillment. He knew deep despair and disappointment, but he knew where his hope must be placed to be fulfilled. Psalm 42:5 Why are you discouraged, my soul? Why are you so restless? Put your hope in God, because I will still praise him. He is my savior and my God.

Our lives will not be without disappointment. That is a surety. Man will not live up to our desires and hopes. But if our hope is placed in God, and we put our trust in Him, we will never be alone. David continues the Psalm expressing his despair to God. Then ends it with the same reprise.

In conclusion, I love that fact that I don’t have to put my hope in my husband to fulfill my needs. He is a good husband, amazing in so many ways. I have been able to truly appreciate his good qualities and enjoy his love when my expectation is in God. I am so thankful that this secret has been revealed to me.


One Response to L & M

  1. Lindsay says:

    Wow… this sounds a lot like Capitivating… what a terrific book… mingled with Jim Miles’s sermon on Sunday… Hmmmmmmm….

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